Q: The woman I am dating is very confusing. She will promise to do something and I believe she really means it, and then goes out and either does not do what she promised and/or does the opposite.

This is starting to drive me nuts, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Can you help?

A: One of the main principles that has helped me through all of these years of working with people is this:

"Does the person's behavior match their words?"

If the behavior of a person matches the words of the person, then there are grounds for trusting this person. If the behavior does not match the words, consistently over time, then those are strong grounds for not trusting someone.

If you are dating someone who consistently says one thing and then does another, this is a major red flag. Warning bells should be going off.

There is a word for consistently saying one thing and doing another.

It's called lying.

The key phrase here is "consistent over time." Most folks who say one thing, but do something else are also gifted at making excuses -- another reason not to trust them. If you do not and cannot trust someone, what do you really have, besides potential heartache?

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com